Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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