I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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