Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it glows. i had to have it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
