What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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