You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
