Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
