Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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