No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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