You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Never joke about your clitoris.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
