your room smells of hookers.
And success
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
