i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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