omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
