Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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