somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
