so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
