I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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