CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Everything about him screamed your future.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
