You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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