Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
