I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
