Moan for me like Helen Keller
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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