so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
