If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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