his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Success! We fucked roommates!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
