I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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