Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
