Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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