i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
