this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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