Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
