It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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