Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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