When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
