hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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