remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
