there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
