I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
