he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
