so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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