Sponge bath it is.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
