i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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