i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
