If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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