She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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