I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
