That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do vagina's smell?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
