We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
