she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
