I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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