i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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