i don't like sucking hair
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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