Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
