you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
