Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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